Riverdale: The Tell-Tale Heart Recap

Synopsis: A hasty decision comes back to haunt Betty; Tensions between Hiram, FP and Jughead spiral out of control; Archie is forced to make a tough decision.

I don’t think Edgar Allan Poe had bad parenting in mind when he wrote his famed short story of a narrator trying to convince us about his sanity after committing a murder.


Why I say bad parenting…it is because this show gives us a weekly depiction of what not to do as a parent. And yes, I know that the tale is to mirror Betty’s spiral after helping Alice bury a body.

Let me digress and get on with the recap…

The Lodges:

  1. You (Hiram) reel in your only child (Veronica) in to your sketchy dealings at the tender age of 15…16 (but she looks like she is in her 20s), why? Because she asked, of course. Now, as the sharks start to swim around you because you seem to be a little wonky in your decision-making, you still have to deal with your daughter worrying if you hired someone to kill off a Capo and if any or all of your action are in the best interest of your family and of the town you now reside in.
  2. You then accepted an ask to be an intern for you by your daughter’s boyfriend (Archie) , because he was being duped by an FBI agent (that was actually one of your associates and cannot pronounce ‘Capo’ for the life of him). It was all a test. Set-up by you (Hermione) …to see if his devotion to your daughter and your family was true. You nearly drove that kid insane with worry.

The Coopers and The Joneses:

  1. So, your son (Chic) kills a drug dealer who was going to harm you. But, he showed up for a reason. You (Alice) are just not thinking about that now or even thinking about calling Sheriff Keller, because you are worried you may lose him again. But, you do allow your daughter (Betty) to help you dispose of the body and clean your house. Of course, you nearly make her loose her mind because you are acting like nothing has happened. You even have her lying to her own, cheating-ass Father (Hal).
  2. But, she cannot lie to her boyfriend (Jughead). She has to turn to someone and he helps her get rid of the drug dealer’s body and his phone. Due to her near-nervous breakdown and whatever your relationship with him was in the past, her boyfriend’s Father (FP) has to help you totally get rid of the body. Now, her Dad is all wtf is going on…and when that happens things may start to unravel.

The Blossoms:

  1. In a rare moment of caring, the youngest (Cheryl) tries to comfort a relative/acquaintance (Betty) but because she is a hot mess, she gives her space. Later on, due to the shenanigans at her home (Mom, Penelope, is a Harlot), she confesses to her relative that her Mother is having an affair with her cousin’s Father (Hal).
  2. This allows her to have some kind of leverage over her Uncle…and even her Mother, who seems to be falling for him.

The only parent that tries to wholeheartedly be on the up and up is Archie’s Dad. Even if Mayor McCoy and Sheriff Keller have the upper crust in their pockets, they try to steer their kids away from the General Hospital-like insanity in their small town in Upstate New York.

Will they survive their parent’s decisions? Only time will tell.

Will these kids learn to not follow in their parent’s footsteps? We shall see.

Next: (To Air on 03.07.18) The Hills Have Eyes –

Question? Will these kids ever see a classroom again?

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